because time is best wasted reading.

written by Ellie Kemper 

McSweeney's

NO STRESS, LOW FUSS, HASSLE FREE SUMMERTIME RECIPES FOR THE CONFIDENT, INDEPENDENT, SELF SUFFICIENT GAL ON THE GO.

Lemon Chicken

This simple recipe is the perfect answer to the age-old question "What's for dinner?"

Unfortunately, what you really need is an answer to the question "Why does every

man eventually leave you?" But let's deal with dinner first! For best results, use

fresh-picked-earlier-that day-by-workers-not-being-exploited lemons from 

Venezuela. If this is impossible, then skip the lemon part altogether. If feeling guilty 

about wasting animals again, simply use the entire chicken, and not just the 

fashionable “breast” portion. Summer lemon neck never tasted so good! Chicken 

is also best if organic and fresh that day, from Venezuela. If this is impossible, 

better just to ask your boyfrie— Better just to order Chinese and enjoy a 

quiet night hiding under the comforter. Easy!

Spicy Veggie Stir-Fry

If you're a vegetarian, then this is the dish for you. If you're not a vegetarian,

then maybe you should consider becoming one. Could you be scaring away

men with the amount of meat you eat? Veggie stir-fry is a fuss-free way to 

make sure you’re getting your 5 to 17 recommended servings of 

vegetables a day. (Sound overwhelming? Eating lots of vegetables is much 

easier when working as a team. Try creating a sensible meal plan with your 

husban— Try liquefying your vegetables and pouring them in the humidifier. 

Presto!) Don’t have a wok? Just eat three big bags of baby carrots and a can 

of okra. Recent studies have shown that okra is likely to reduce the 

chances of breast cancer, HPV, and pregnancy.* So eat up!

*Not having a male companion will also reduce the chance of pregnancy.

Veal Cutlet

Sure to please any crowd, or—in the event that you have no crowd to 

please—you. Breaded veal is a delicious, timeless, mouthwatering entrée. 

Of course, it is really unhealthy to have breaded anything! In order not to feel 

horrible about yourself for the remainder of the evening, grill, steam, or simply 

don’t eat the veal. Now, certain eaters can always be relied upon to argue that the 

concept of veal is cruel and that no baby cow should be subjected to such 

inhumane treatment (even though we are talking about cows here, folks). These people 

should calm down and live a little. Cows are hilarious, and veal is delicious! Bon appétit!

Fried Beef Ravioli, Cajun French Fries, and Four-Cheese Lasagna

Wouldn’t that be delicious? Too bad God had to go and invent upper-thigh fat.

Caribbean Pork and Couscous Salad

This spirited summer meal will add that extra spring to your step. First, put the pork 

cubes and the Caribbean rub inside a plastic bag and shake well. Next, skewer the pork 

and grill over a medium-hot fire for eight minutes. Do not overcook. Overcooking the 

pork cubes will cause irreversible damage, destroying the meal beyond repair. Why can’t 

you do anything right? Not overcooking the pork cannot be emphasized enough. If you 

overcook the pork, you will dry out all of the juices and the cellulite on your stomach will 

automatically become more pronounced. If you think you are on the verge of overcooking

the pork cubes, remove the pork from the fire immediately and take a minute 

to re-evaluate. Does your life have an actual purpose? Better to err on the side of

 not-cooked-enough** rather than overcooked.

**In order to avoid any number of life-threatening bacterial diseases that will

 cause you to die alone, be sure to cook meat thoroughly.

Linguine With Shrimp Scampi

A nice, light, healthful summer treat. If done correctly, this yummy dish can be 

prepared in minutes! If done incorrectly, this dish can single-handedly ruin your 

entire evening by creating sickening levels of frustration, inescapable feelings of incompetence/helplessness/loneliness, and burnt scampi. Great with a side of field greens!

Chicken Soup

Often considered a cure for the winter blahs, this meal works for the summer 

blahs as well. Haven’t experienced the summer blahs yet? Oh. Who are you taking 

to Donovan and Shelly’s wedding next month? Who did you dance with at Stuart 

and Brooke’s last weekend? What exactly is the point of moving from your studio 

apartment into a one-bedroom? There we go. Chicken soup!

Four Large Bottles of Evian Water

Actually, this is probably all you really need tonight.

------------------------------------------

other mcsweeney favorites of mine

// My Hobbies

// Please Can We Not Go To The Party

// What I Would Be Thinking About If I Were Billy Joel Driving Toward A Holiday Party Where I Knew There Was Going To Be A Piano

// I'm Comic Sans, Asshole

// You Look At Me Like You've Never Seen A Neo-Hipster Before

// "Toto's 'Africa'" By Ernest Hemingway

// Titles From The Baby-Sitters Club: The College Years Series

merry christmas

merry christmas!

wishing everyone a merry christmas and for those who don't celebrate christmas, wishing you a happy, joyous day. 

I am so backed up on the internet (900+ items to read on my reader!). I have been tiring very early on in the evening & have no time to read my lovely dailies. and christmas shopping was drained every inch of my living soul (although so many sales that I was tempted in pretty much every store I entered). 

p.s. 15% off at the shop only for today

gabriela artigas

beautiful rings by gabriela artigas.
(found via tickledpickle)

three moving pictures

three moving pictures that I would like to see (especially the last one).

uggh. and I hate jennifer aniston, but I know they had her on the cast to bring in the mainstream audience. uggh..

summer gone, now winter's on its way

favorite song for right now. it seems to reflect how I am feeling lately.

the lunar eclipse

Remember the lunar eclipse last Saturday? I actually got up and drove out to see it. See, I had this odd interest in the stars and the moon (the sun not so much). This all began when I was in elementary school (the NASA program, star gazing in Palm Desert field trip, Griffith Observatory field trip, etc). And since you don't really get to see the stars here in LA (due to the smog and excessive amounts of light), I rely on the moon to provide me with some night light action. (In fact I have this annoying habit of mentioning the Cheshire cat every time I see a crescent moon). So I knew I would be there to see the lunar eclipse.

So around 4:30 AM, I drove to the Griffith Observatory and follow along..

(these pictures are funny because all I have are my hands and a point & shoot camera)

freezing to death; the moon and the clouds (can you seen it) at Griffith Observatory

the city lights & the moon at Griffith Observatory. if you ever visit LA, 

you must hike at Griffith Park up to the Observatory. 

and then worrying about a potential parking ticket since I parked on a red zone down by the tunnel, plus the clouds blocking the moon, we decided to get my car and go elsewhere to see the eclipse (plus there were a lot of people and it was kind of getting loud, not what I expected).

These photos make me laugh. I couldn't quite get the redness of the moon in any of my pictures. The last picture is the best I could do. But it was quite beautiful. On the west side, the dark night sky, while on the east, the beginning of the day with the sunrise. Quite a dichotomy.

towards the east side where the sun was rising.

the bluest of skies after eating breakfast.

came back home with a full stomach, freezing fingers and some blog catching up.

OUTFIT INSPIRATIONS

I have tons of ideas to which I meant to blog about and even photos from 2 weeks ago I meant to blog, but I get lazy. I am such a lazy blogger.

I love how Pinterest lets me "collect" pictures and have their sources listed. I tend to collect a lot of photos from the internet (outfit inspirations, home inspirations, crafty pictures, etc.) on my external hard drive and unfortunately I don't know the source so I feel a bit guilty sharing them here, but with the stuff I add on Pinterest, guilt-free. 

So here are some of my favorite outfit inspirations. I think you can kind of tell what kind of style I go for (comfortable, layering, semi-tomboy or not girly...). 

see the rest here

camp.

unable to sleep last night, I turned on netflix and watched wet hot american summer again. what is it with camping movies/shows (wet hot american summer, camp nowhere, hey dude, salute your shorts, the parent trap, bug juice [slightly embarrassed but not enough to not admit I watched this program], troop beverly hills) that makes me love them so much? maybe it's because I didn't experience the whole camp life. I honestly didn't know summer camp was such a big deal until I watched bug juice. I love how camp is where little kids transition into kids.

and how can I not like wet hot american summer: paul rudd, amy poehler, michael ian black, michael showalter, bradley cooper.. and honestly sometimes during the summer, I practically am twins with the mckinley character.

so onward with the camp theme and take a listen to this, it's one of my favorite podcast episodes from tal.

scout soap set, $19

forêt olo fragrance, $45

sperry top-sider short shearwater boots, $138

go outside motivational print, $12

vintage lake cabin knit cardigan, $28

vintage sperry top-siders canvas shoes, $25

apc hooded parka, $470

pendleton wool blanket, $218

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, 

one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people. 

Garrison Keillor